Tonight

I feel the wind in my face, I feel the grass against my ankles, I feel the tears stream down my face, I feel my arm slam the door shut. I feel alone. I'm running, running from this life. I'm running fast and I'm running hard. Today was too hard, this life is too hard, it seems so much easier to just run. I've gotten a head start, I've run away from life as fast as I could. I've left all the pain behind. I've left God, the one who seems to be causing all this. I've decided it's not worth working hard for it, I let go. I ran. I've left all my friends, I've left God.

Maybe this is you. All you want to do is run. Maybe you have an aching pain inside you, maybe life stinks. Maybe it would just be so much easier to run. Maybe running from everything, including God seems to be the easy way out. Maybe you've slammed the door shut on God, just like you would do to your annoying sibling. Maybe you've slammed that door shut on God's face, pushed him out. Maybe life's just too hard, and you blame God for hurting you. Maybe your blaming God for everything that's gone on. Maybe running just seems to much easier then facing life. Maybe the pain is just too great, and all you want to do is let go, give up, and run. Facing life is hard, so why not just run?

But, even when you slam the door on God, he doesn't slam the door on you. When you slam the door shut right on his face, he doesn't slam the door back on you. He waits for you, waits for you to open the door for him. He waits for you to turn around, he waits for you to come home. And when you decide to, he will be sitting there, waiting for you, he will be waiting with open arms, telling you to come, saying that he loves you. He never shut the door on you, you shut it on him. He's waiting for you to come back home.

Maybe your life's hard, maybe you've given up, run from everything, run from God. Maybe you feel that God wouldn't even want you to come back if you decided to come back. But, God is waiting for you to come home, come back. Maybe tonight, today, this very moment, it's time for you to come home. Maybe it's time for you to come and feel the embrace of your Savior, maybe it's time for you to come and sit on the lap of your Father, talk to him, sit on His lap, cry on his shoulder, be in his presence. Or maybe it just doesn't feel like he wants you, but guess what? I'm here to tell you at this moment that God loves you so much and wants you. He loves you and cares for you so much that he sent his son to DIE that painful death on the cross for you. He never slammed the door shut on you, he's sitting there, waiting for you. When you have no strength to move on, God will give you some. After all, he created you with an awesome plan, and he knows there is pain in your life, he knows your life may not be easy, he knows that you ran, and he's sitting there and waiting for you to come home.

He's been waiting for you to come home, he's been sitting and waiting for you ever since you left. And maybe this very day, this night, this very moment, maybe right now, it's time for you to come home...

Think

I think about you everyday, I think about what in the world I am supposed to say to you. When I look at you and see you down, I worry about you all the time. I'm look at you and I know I'm the one who messed us up. As I look at you, I look into your eyes, and I see you happy. I see you smiling, I see you with your friends, I see you having fun. I see the place where I used to stand, I see the space where I use to sit, now filled by the millions of other friends you have. I see the friends that have replaced me, I see the smiles that use to fill my face every time we would be together, now turn into the aching pain I feel every time I see your face. The pain of how I know I messed this up so bad. The things I told you, the things we would talk about, all the times we told each other we wouldn't be like the other friends, and we really would be friends forever, guess that didn't last. I know it's all my fault, and I know there is nothing I can do. I have tried so hard to fix stuff between us, I have tried to talk to you, but you just push me away. I know you don't have time for the one who left you.

I didn't mean to leave you, I didn't walk out on you. Who knew such a small misunderstanding could lead to all this? I feel like I tried so hard to let this friendship move on, but you seemed to not care, you gave up on me. I wish you could read this right now and know how I felt. I wish you understood that I still love you and care about you, but I guess you just hate me. I used to think I could somehow fix this all, guess I was wrong. I want to talk to you and work this out, but you've moved on.

The place where I used to stand is now taken by all the new friends that have replaced me. I look over at you, and I see you smiling, I'm happy to see that, but when I look at all the new friends you are with, it reminds me of all the fun times we had together, but because of a small understanding, I guess it's all over now.

Side note: The video below this post is a family at my church, and I don't know I thought their story was cool, and just wanted to share it, watch it if you want to, you don't have to, your choice.

Mikayla

I feel it piercing into me.
The words you say,
The complaints you give me
The millions of times over and over you say how bad you are
The times you yell at me every time I say a word
Do you know how bad the hurts?
Do you not see all the tears streaming down my face, when you aren't looking?
Do you not know how appreciated and loved you are?
Whatever happened to the times we used to spend together
The times we would hang out, and laugh together
The fun times we used to have together
The days before she moved
Why did they all leave?
Why now is it just you yelling at me?
I know I'm not perfect, and it hurts to hear it from you
What do you want me to do?
I can't do everything the way you want it
I'm not your perfect little child
I'm sorry.
I know I'm a disappointment to you and just make your life harder
Sorry you have to deal with me.
I really am sorry.

I wish...

I wish just for one moment that it would all go away
I wish just for one moment I could be sitting beside you talking to you
I wish just for one moment the rest of the world would go away and all I could see was you
I wish I could tell you everything that goes on
I wish I could tell you the truth
I wish just for a moment I could know you understood
I wish just for a moment I would be bold enough to speak
I wish just for a moment I could tell you the truth from my heart
I wish the world was different, and that hurt wasn't such a big part of it
I wish the pain could simple go away
I wish it wouldn't keep coming back the memories of you...
The uncried tears
The unshown pain
The things I've held so close and lost
The pain I've never talked about
The pain that's never shown through the smile
The tears in my eyes that don't fall
The pain I can't let go
This life is hard, shouldn't say I never expected that
But, I haven't let go yet
I've learned to lean on you
To let you lead me
And there is nothing else I can do but follow

The Gathering

This is at my church, and it's the service that I go to, and I would have to say it's pretty awesome. That in a commercial that is on certain channels on TV, and I found it, and just thought it was cool to see what people said about it. I agree, I think it it great. In case you couldn't tell from the video, this is a more upbeat service and its more laid back and just awesome. It is based to the setting where it is more for teens, and everything is more relaxed and understandable for young adults, and student. Just wanted to share that with you! :)

The Day

I still remember the day when those words were spoken to me, those words I will never forget. The words that meant I was losing someone I loved. The words that my Dad said to me as I walked into the car that night after a fall retreat. To any other person, it wouldn't have matter, to anyone else it wouldn't have been a big deal, but for me it was. The words hurt and I still remember that day, like it was yesterday.

I came home from a fall retreat with my church. I got in the car, and was happy, and having a great day. I had just gotten home from a really awesome fall retreat. I got in the car with my dad, and we started to drive home. I told him about the weekend, and then it came. The words I never wish he would have said, the words that went down and pierced my heart and my smile and good times like a huge knife cutting off that smile, and hitting my heart so hard, I felt like this wasn't the first time this had happened. I had already lost a mom, and now the person in my life that I could call mom was gone. She was moving a long way away. She was gone without the words goodbye, she was just gone. My Dad said the words to me, and I remember that very moment. He said to me, "She's moving to Colorado." My immediate reaction, was isn't she going to come back to get her stuff, sell her house and all that, and I was happy, cause I would get to see her before she left, well no luck there. She had her house sold by her daughter and her daughter packed everything up for her and they moved out there. I never saw her again, and I never saw her since. As I sat in the back seat of the car, I could feel the tear building up inside of me, the only person I could call mom was now gone. The words hurt me and burned in me. I tried really hard not to cry, I didn't want to look dumb. The words played over and over in my head. The pain was so great, I didn't know what to do. It hurt for me to know that I would never be able to go have days out with her anymore, she couldn't take me away from my family, talk to me, show her care to me, talk to me, love me, be there for me. She was gone, and never did I get to say goodbye to her, give her a final hug, tell her that I would miss her, she was just gone.

I'm not putting this up here so that I can get pity, but to give you a glimpse of what God does in my life. He took her away from my life, and he left me with these words.

"Kate, I know that plans I have for you, they are plans to prosper you and not to harm you, they are plans to give you a hope and a future. Kate, I have an awesome plan for your life, when you don't have strength to move on, fall on me. When you cry, I will catch every tear in the palm of my hand. When no one will listen, I will listen to you for just as long as you want. When you get to sick of this life that you want to run, run to me, my arm are open wide. Come and sit on my lap, talk to me, I'll be here for you. Cause, guess what Kate?! I have a really awesome plan for your life, all I need you to do is trust me."

I'm not asking for pity, I'm showing you how awesome our God is, and how his awesome plans are so much better then what we expect. I would love to tell you that I'm over everything, but I mean it isn't always easy, I still cry cause I miss her, it still hurts me to see her gone, but I know that God's there for me, and he placed some awesome friends in my life who are there for me and keep me smiling and catch me when I fall, and tell me it will be okay. God knows what hes doing for your life too, you just have to trust him and wait on his time.

God's Courts

As it was said in chapel, the song will never be sung in the same way, I won't ever sing that song again, without thinking about what he said, and the story he told. In the movie "Bridge to Terabithia", the main dude, I don't remember his name, makes a little boat like thing you could call it and he puts it into the water. Once he does that and he sets it on the water, as he places it into the water, he says, "she is in your hands now."

For me, it's just comforting to know that she's in God's hands. It was part of God's plan that she isn't here anymore, he chose to take her and let her play in his courts. You take your pick at what kind of court it is, but I just imagine her up there playing in his court. And when I remember that, it just brightens my day. I have to face the pity I get from people around me everyday for not having a mom, and I have a new response, rather then getting mad about it, or letting it ruin my day, it has become a simple answer, and it's this. Ya know what, it's okay. It's all part of God's plan. Because, I've learned that pity isn't going to help me, but if I get mad about it, and let it ruin the day, it doesn't make things any worse, and anyway, it's all part of God's plan, he knew what he was doing, and I just have to wait on his time, to see what he wants to do with me.

Playing in God's court now, not here, she's done here, but now she is up there, playing in God's court.

I know this was an incredible dumb post, but just wanted to put it out there...

Think

Last night at church, I really got to thinking, and I mean I've thought about this before, but it hit me really hard last night. I went to church last night, as I always do, and I mean nothing was different, I mean yeah it was Easter, and they had an Easter theme, but as always I wasn't totally with it, I'm always here and there, I can never just sit and listen, but last night just for a moment, I could.

It was Easter yesterday, and I just thought about it. Jesus never did HAVE to die, he chose to, and it was for me? I mean, why me? I am so messed up, I thought about the millions of times I had messed stuff up just that very day, and how i do so much wrong in just a simple time. I am no where near close to perfect, but yet Jesus wanted to die for me? Why would he want to die for me? The automatic response, was because he loves you and he didn't have to die for you, he chose to. I thought, but I'm selfish, and a jerk, I mess stuff up all the time, why would a perfect person want to die for me? Why would anyone want to die for me? Why in the world would someone as perfect as him want to die for... me? Why would he love me? Why does anyone love me? Because he loves me, and he loves you, he didn't have to die on that cross and take that painful death, he chose to. And yet, I am so selfish. I don't have enough time to spend just an hour talking to him during a day, but yet I have millions of hours to talk to my friends and sit around and do nothing, but I don't have time to spend with my Saviour.

God is awesome, the best friend in the world, he did so much for me, now it's my time to thank him.... for calling me a child.

My Life

My story all begins when I was a little girl, around the age of 18 months. Our family was coming home from a family vacation, and my Mom's vessel that was carrying blood to her heart broke. The plain took an emergency landing, and my Mom was rushed to the hospital, and she died soon after. As a little girl, it never really affected me. After all, I never really met her. I mean, sure I knew her when I was little, but I lost her when I was 1 ½, so I mean, yeah I met her, but I never really knew her at all.

I have grown up in a Christian home my whole life. I accepted Christ at the young age of 4. I never really did understand what it meant, other then one day I would go to heaven when I died. My Dad always set an example on my life for Christ, and how to live for him.

My Dad has always had a verse posted on our fridge. I never really understood what it meant for a long time, but it has now become my all time favorite verse. The verse is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harmyou, plans to give you a hope and future." This verse meant a lot to me, because it showed me that God really did have a plan for my life.

Not having a mom, for me, has never been easy. I live with two guys, and yeah they are awesome, but it can be really hard at time not having a Mom around. For the longest time, I always felt like God had just wanted to make things hard for me, and there was nothing that I could do about it. Everything with me just seemed a little messed up. I never really thought that this whole me not having a mom thing could be part of his plan. That verse just showed me, that God really does just have a plan for my life and it's better then I could ever imagine. The verse says, that they plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Someone once said to me, that to get to the top of a mountain, you have to climb up it, and that we have to go through the trails of life to get to the top of the mountain. We can't just get there, we will go through hard times, and there will be times when we struggle with things that are going on, but God knows what he's doing, he has an awesome plan for my life, and I just have to wait on his time. I know that isn't always easy for me to do, but I just have to trust him and be ready for his plan, and trust that it is better then my own.

I would love to end this saying that everything is going great now, but it's not the truth. Thing don't always go my way, and I still go through hard times and struggles, but I have learned to trust God, and fall on him. God has awesome stuff in store for me, I just have to wait on his time. God blesses me every day with the things that he puts me through and the people he puts in my life. God has given me some awesome friend that remind me not to give up, and that God has a plan for everything that he does.

I don't understand everything that God does in my life, and why he puts me through everything that he does, but I know that he does everything for a reason. He had a reason for me not having a mom, and when it's his time, he will show me that plan.

Maybe you have a life like mine, not so perfect, maybe in your life it just seems that everything goes wrong and you just mess up everything, but just remember this, that no matter what you are going through, God has a plan for it. He created you with a plan and a purpose, and we just have to wait on his time to see it. He has awesome stuff in store for you, just wait… on his time. And when you feel like you can't go on anymore, God will give you strength, and when you fall, he will catch you. He loves you and he created with an awesome plan and a purpose, better then you could ever imagine. You just have to wait on his time

Running Part 2

I feel the wind on my face, as once again I'm running from this life. I feel the cool breeze of the nice morning as I run. I want to stop, but I'm not far enough away from it all yet. I keep on running. I look behind me so far so good no one is following me. I'm in luck, so far. I have successfully made it out of this life, for the moment. No one is around me, maybe I can stop for just a bit and relax, but then someone might catch up, so never mind about that. I will just keep running until I can run no more. I am still running, I'm getting tired though, and I want to stop and relax, but I can't. I haven't run far enough away yet, I am still to close to it all.

I have run as far as I can, I'm going to stop now and just sit down, just for a little while. You think to yourself as you sit down. As I sit down, the thought all come to mind of what's been going on for the past couple of days, the things that have been said to you that hurt, the things in life that have just been so hard. As you sit the tears just start to fall, the you being tough all the time has worn off, and the memories of the hard times in life are coming back, the things that people said all week that hurt come back to you, the tears build up inside of you begging to come out, but you don't cry, too late. The tears fall down your face, it all hurts.

You look to your side and you notice that one of your friends has run after you and wants to talk to you. You quickly wipe all the tears away, and hope she didn't notice them. She starts to talk to you, first of all asking to make sure you are okay, and you don't really tell her the truth at first, but after sometime, you think maybe you should tell her, after all she came all this way for you. But something holds you back, and you don't. She keeps talking to you, but you turn away, cause you definitely don't want her to see you cry or anything like that, so you just run away hoping she won't notice that you were crying just a few minutes ago. She keeps talking about she says something that touches you and something you will never forget.

"Hey! I know you probably don't really want to be talking to me right now and telling me everything that's going on, and why you ran from it all, but I came here not to try and talk it out of you, but because I wanted to tell you that I'm here for you, and that I love and care about you. I also wanted you to always remember this; that no matter how hard this all is, just remember that God is doing this all for a reason. He has an awesome plan for your life, and he's always going to be there for you and love and care about you.... and I will too. I ran all this way just to remind you that I love you and so does God."
You aren't really sure what to say, but you know that is just what you needed. You turn around to look your friend in the eye, and she keeps talking.

"I know what it's like when life gets hard. I know what it's like to feel like you want to run. I know what it's like to hate life." She pauses. You wait for her to go on, she does. "I know how it feels to not have a perfect life, I don't either. Truth is, a lot is going wrong for me right now too." She once again pauses; you can see that she has tears building up in her eyes. "I know where you are at, and I know that it hurts, and I know that it's hard. It all happened to me too. But, one thing kept me strong this whole time, and it was God. He picked me up when I fell, and he always loved me. He gave me strength to carry on everyday. It's hard, I know, but you have to give it to God and trust him. He will give you the strength you need to move on too."

You look at her, and she is crying, and so are you, but you aren't sure if you want to show it or not. You want to give your friend a hug, but you don't want to turn back to her, cause she thinks that you don't ever cry, and that your all tough and all. You turn around thinking of how you could explain to her why you are crying. She doesn't say anything, just gives you a hug and tells you it will all be okay, and then she puts her hand on you and prays for you. As the tough girl goes away and as you cry, because it was all so touching and just what you needed to hear. You start to tell your friend what is really going on and she listens. God gave you just what you needed right when you needed it, because he really does love and care about you.

Yes, YOU! God cares about YOU and has an AWESOME PLAN for YOUR life.

Running

I want to run so far that you can't find me, I want to run so far that you don't even know where in the world I could be and no matter how hard you search for me, you can't find me. I want to run so far away that I can cry all day and you will never know. I want to run so far that it's impossible to be around this life here. I want to run from my dumb life.

I want to feel the wind in my face as I run so fasts down the street, trying to find a spot to sit and rest. I want to run and feel the wind on my back, I want to run from this world and hope it never comes back.

I don't want you to come after me, there is no use... I'm not going to stop for you, no matter how hard you want me to, I'm not going to cry when your around, I'm not going to run with you, I'm just going to run away from you.

If you really care about me, you won't give up on me. When I run from you, you aren't going to run from me, you are going to run after me, and run with me. You are going to try to catch up to me, and you are going to try to talk to me. Even if I push you away, you aren't going to give up on me, you will just try so hard to catch up to me, and when I just blow you off, and turn away from you, just so you won't have to see me cry, but you won't leave, you will just sit there, that would show me you cared.

But, life is dumb, and I hate my life, I want to run away from it, but I just can't. I mess everything up, I am messed up, I'm the one who does all this...

Ever feel that way? That you want to just run from life and from everything in this world? Every things can get so messed up all the time, and everything can be so dumb... but just talk to God about it, he knows it, and he is always going to be there for you and he never ever will give up on you. Just wait... things will get better, when it's God's will.

Lord I Need You

Lord I come
Fallen and broken apart
I need you Lord,
Won't you come and save me?

I've fallen apart
Both inside and out
I need your love today.

Lord, your love is awesome
And your strength is amazing
Your power is beyond all measure
You are awesome, truly awesome

Lord, I come with pain and sorrow
I need you Lord
Please comfort me today

The world is crashing down around me
Lord, come and save me,
I need you today

Your love, your grace,
Your strength, your power,
you are awesome Lord, truly awesome.

We serve an awesome God, I tell ya! He is so awesome, and most of all he loves me, and I really don't get why. I am so messed up and useless, but he still loves me and has a plan for me... wow, how awesome is that? We serve an awesome God, so why not today... take the time to thank him for all he has done! He is so awesome, and I know he has blessed me in so many ways! I am so thankful for everything around me. I have awesome friends, and even though my life might not be perfect all the time, I always have God on my side helping me through it all. Through the good and bad times, through the smiles and the pain. I sure serve an awesome God who is so awesome! He loves me... and he loves you too. :)

Amazing Love/ On My Cross

Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,

How can it be?

That You, my King would die for me?

Amazing love,I know it’s true.

It’s my joy to honor You,

In all I do, I honor You.

I’m forgiven because

You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

You are my King

Jesus You are my King

So, you have probably heard that song before, but go beyond the words that you know oh so well, think about it and what it really means. What the story is behind the words, and what they are really taking about and what they mean.

God never had to love you, he chose to. Jesus didn’t have to die on the cross for you, he chose to. God didn’t make him die, he chose to. Because… he loves you! And it’s amazing love! Without God, do you see how messed up we are?

We mess up all the time, and we do things we wish we never did, because we aren’t perfect. Jesus was on this earth, and he was 100% man, but also 100% God. In Matthew 27, it talks about when Judas betrayed Jesus, and he didn’t tell him, and Jesus said that if he wanted to, he could ask God to send him angels to come and save him, but he chose to die that painful death on the cross, for YOU!

We are all sinners, and we all mess up all the time. No one is perfect. And we all need God. But, it’s it just amazing to think about? That God died on the cross all for you? There is a song that I really like by FFH, and it goes like this…

Those were my nails

That was my crown'

That pierced Your hands and Your brow

Those were my thorns

Those were my scorns

Those were my tears that fell down

And just as You said it would be

You did it all for me

After You counted the cost

You took my shame, my blame

On my cross

Jesus took your sins, when he died on the cross for you, and he didn’t have to, HE WANTED to, and because he loves you. He never had to die on that cross for you, but he wanted to, he wanted to one day meet you, and he gave you a passage way to Heaven. He is amazing, and his love really is amazing!

God doesn’t need anything, and he didn’t have to ever create people. He knew they would sin, but he chose to save us, and let us one day meet him. He is so awesome anyone agree? He gave you that way to heaven, because he loves you…

“I don’t need you, I want you!”

He didn’t have to die for you… he didn’t have to take your sins and your shame, he chose to… He doesn’t have to love you, he chooses to, he never had to die that painful death for you, he chose to… because he loves you!

Love

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, TO ALL MY FAITHFUL BLOG READERS. Since today is basically the day about love, why not talk about God love? There is a chapter in the Bible that talks about love, and I'm going start off this post with that passage.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(~1 Corinthians 13)

So, that is a lot about love...one part that I really like is when they are talking about what love is. Love is..., patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, not rude or self seeking, and keeps no records of wrong, it protects, always trusts, hope and preservers. That is a lot that love does, and only true love can come from God. You see this perfect love in that passage, from the Bible, and it shows you what true love is. Wouldn't you love to have that love from all your friends?

You may say that you friends love and care about you... but how about a love that isn't self seeking, and keep no records of wrongs, how does that sound to you? To me, it sounds awesome, and we should strive to give that love to other people.

My challenge for you today... love other with the awesome love that you can... the best love...encourage your friends, build them up, don't tear them down, love others with an awesome love... and since today is Valentine's Day, don't forget to tell them how much you love them, and what you love about them... :) Have an awesome day!

It's Been A Long Week...

Wow! It has been a long time since I have updated, sorry about that! I have been really busy, and my life has been stressful, trying to get everything in, I just never really had the time, so sorry for those of you who read my blog all the time, and were looking for something interesting from me... I'm very sorry. I will try to keep updating now... and keep you up to date on I don't know what, but, yeah, sorry for my faithful friends! :)

Not much has gone on in my life since I last talked to you, other then me just being stressed out and frustrated, which is nothing new. But, something I was thinking about... and I might as well share it with you. So, here I go, and this may sound really dumb, and I'm sorry if it does. But, I was thinking about time. You are probably thinking... wow TIME?!?! That's amazing...

But the thing is, I wasn't thinking about my time, I was thinking about God's timing and how perfect it was! You are probably now thinking, what in the world is she saying, and what is her problem? But, let me go on.

So, as I said, life has been not so wonderful lightly, and I have been looking for pleasure and cures in the wrong places. I have tried to look for it in things of the world, like things that I think can make me happy, because I like to be happy... don't we all? No matter how much I did to try and get this thing off my mind, nothing worked. I would always have it play over and over in my head, and try to figure it out. But, I would just end up making myself stressed out, and mad at myself. And, for those of you who have seen me mad or frustrated, you know that I always blame myself, and put myself down.

One night, I was really mad at myself, for dumb reasons, and like all I did was put myself down. I said that everyone hated me, and that no one cared about me, and that I was just some dumb loser, and everyone just wanted to talk me because they had pity on me. So, while I was all mad at myself, and at God, my favorite verse came into my head, which is Jeremiah 29:11.

So, I got to thinking, and I was thinking about God having a plan for my life. I knew that he did, but it really didn't seem like it. But, God's time is better then mine. He had been planning a lot for me, and he was going to bless me someday, I just had to wait.

I didn't want to wait on God's time, I wanted him to work on my time, but God's time is so much better then my own. When I look over my life, God has always blessed me, and helped me along when I needed it most, I just have to wait on his time, and not on my own time, because he has plans for me that are awesome, and he wants to use me to do awesome things, but I can't live on my own time, I have to live on his, and trust him with my life, and my time.

Just something that God has taught me, and maybe he just taught you something from me, but, I don't know! I just pray that God would teach you something new and awesome this week, and that that something will help you and touch you and help you with what you are going through in your life right now.

Hey God!

Prayer~ is said before you eat, maybe before class starts, maybe everyone once in awhile in class when you are going through a tough time... maybe you have never heard prayer before. Maybe you have never ever heard of the word. I don't know... but this is mine:Prayer: our communication with God. The way we can talk to him, like we would talk to a friend, an awesome friend who will listen, and never get sick of us.
When I was thinking about prayer... I remember some stuff that I have learned about it... think of it this way...

GOD, the CREATOR of the Universe, want to talk to YOU! Out of the millions and billions of people on this earth, he wants to talk to YOU! He made a way so that you can talk to him. He died so that one day you could meet him in heaven. And he gave you a thing called prayer, so that you can talk to him. Pretty cool huh?

But, why pray?

So, you say you have a friendship with God, and you say that you have a friendship with your Best friend. But, how can you have a friendship with them if you don't talk to them? If you say that you have an awesome friend named Bob, but you never talk to him, and you know nothing about him, what's going on in his life, what he likes, and you've never talked to him, how do you really know him? It is the same way with God, if you say you know him, but you never talk to him, how does that work? How can you say that you know God, but you have never talked to him? After all, God did give this awesome thing to us, so why don't we use it?

Do you want to talk to an awesome friend after a hard day? Someone who will listen, and someone who is trustworthy, and will listen to you for hours and hours on end, without getting bored, or falling asleep on you? That is God. He will listen to you complain about your day, or talk about your awesome day. He will carry you through the good times, and the bad times, and he will always be your friend no matter what.

You can talk to him no matter what time of day or night it is, and no matter what is going on. He will always listen. He loves you and cares about you, don't you ever forget that. And... Sometimes, why not thank him for the awesome friends, or family that you have, and for even giving you a way to talk to him.

So... do you think prayer is important? Check it out in my next post...

Bad now, good later. Good now, bad later.

Bad time come, and bad times go... for some people they come all the time, for some almost never, but for those of you who to you it seems like you are always having bad days, don't worry I know where you are at. How many people think that bad days are fun? Most people, would say they are just plain BAD! Hence the name... BAD DAYS... but they come and go, for some more often then others, but for me, that is really when God really is at work in me. During hard time, when I am getting yelled at, or feel like no one cares about me.... that is when God always decides to show me something new.

I updated just a few days ago... Tuesday I think, and a lot has been shown to me since then. Let's start with something that I learned Wednesday...

So, yesterday, just wasn't really the best day of my life... if you know what I mean. I went to school, came home, everything was normal. I mean, it wasn't the best day of my life, but nothing too exciting happened. I came home from school, not in the best mood ever. Everything was fine, until I went to church last night. I heard an awesome message being preached, about character. And, so I got to thinking, character... what is my character? Or more... who do people see in me? I have had it said to me that I am awesome and all that, but what about when no one is looking? Who am I? Am I that same person that everyone sees in me, or am I the total opposite? Who do I want to be is a better question?

When I got home from church Wednesday night, I was having a not so good day, and I came home, and just went to finish my homework. And I talked to a friends on IM, and things only got worse. It was an old friend that I hadn't talked to in quite a while, and I just really ticked her off. She asked me, just like a caring friend would, how I was doing, and I said okay. Cause, that was really my answer. Then she asked what's wrong? And even though many things were wrong I answered nothing. She got on my case about this all night, and then not just that, but the next thing I know, my dad comes in and yells at me, and gets all mad at me. So my day went about from a 5 to a 1. Since I was all mad and frustrated, I just decided to leave, and go get ready for bed. I walked up the stairs being mad at myself. For me, it felt like I could do nothing right, and I was all mad and stressed, and just having a horrible day. When I got to my room, I turned on my radio, and something about the right song at the right time... it wasn't even the song, it was just a simple word. God. That's it, that was the word... because then I remember what someone had once told me. That, God had his hand over me, and he would catch me as I fell, and he would catch my tears as they ran down my face, and he made me perfect in His eyes, and cares about me so much. It was just right what I needed. And, that night as I got into bed, my simple one word prayer was "thanks" and that was all I could make out. A sudden feeling of peace came upon me, as I drifted to sleep that night.

Thursday...woke up thinking that today would be a better day. But, it wasn't. Things weren't going so well at home, but I had to put a smile on for school. I went to school with the hopes that my friends would make my day good... but... I mean it was school, and it wasn't too exciting. On Thursdays, since I go to a Christian School, I had chapel. And, we sang a cool song, and had a cool speaker. One thing came to me that day in chapel, and it was this. I have taken control of my own life, and tried to do everything my way. I have taken my life, and I only do things that I think will make me happy. And it simple goes like this...

If you so go, we will go
If you say wait, we will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on you and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If you call us to the fire You will not withdraw your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for you

He said one simple line: Good now, bad later. Bad now, good later.

And that just to me really stood out... even though my life isn't always going to be easy, the bad will one day pass away, and the good will come. The words of the song, just hit me hard on Thursday. I have been in control of my life for way too long, and God is the only who really deserves to have that job, because he has awesome plans for my life, and I just have to trust him. My life's control is in God's hands, because I know he has better plans for me then the plans that I had for myself.

So... today... reflect on yourself... what is your character? Does it change from when you are with people and when you are alone? And who has total control over your life? You or God?

My NO TECHNO DAY!!!

In the last post, I talked about going for a day without technology. And I left you with a challenge, to do it along with me... so did anyone accept my challenge?

That same challenge was given to me at church last Wednesday, and I thought, no... I can't do that, it's not possible. As my youth pastor listed off all the things we couldn't do, I thought it would be impossible for me to do it, but it wasn't, not at all.

Okay, you may be thinking, why did you think this was going to be so hard for you? And here is my answer. I am ALWAYS on the computer. Always updating my blog, talking to friends on aim, or whatever. I am always on the computer doing something, or I am watching TV or a movie or whatever. I am always using technology. So when my youth pastor said I couldn't, the first thing that popped into my head, was just don't do it. And I was just like, whatever I won't even try. Then one of my friends at church was like, you going to do it? And I was like, I don't know, I will try. So, I decided to do it. I told some of my friends that I wouldn't be online tonight, and that I would be away from the computer and the phone all night, and that I wouldn't be able to talk to them really at all, and they all said okay, which then got a load off my chest. I didn't have to worry about them calling or whatever, and wanting to talk, and then me having to say that I wasn't aloud on the phone and yeah...

I decided that I wanted to add on to my challenge for myself, and I was going to spend the time that I would normally be online or watching TV or whatever, and I was going to spend it with God. So... I got up in the morning, and I went to school, that was easy, I didn't have to worry about technology there. I got home at around 4:30 from school, and I went and did some of my homework. I got most of it done, except for my Bible journal. So, I decided that I would do devotions and spend some time with God, but then my dad called me down for dinner. I ate, and then my dad decided that he would take me and my bro out for ice cream. So, I went. When I got home it was about 7:30, and I took out my Bible, once again, and I sat down at my desk. And I decided that for the next half an hour, I would spend it with God, in quiet time with him. As I was listening to Christian music in the background, I sat and thought. And... a lot went through my head about what was going on in my life at the time. I flipped through the Bible, and came to Matthew 5:3-12 which is the beatitudes. I read through them, and some of them really just stuck out to me. I just sat and thought for a little while, and something came to me... it was one of those moments... those God moments. And my favorite verse of all time popped into my head. Jeremiah 29:11... and it just reminded me that whatever I am going through, no matter if it is hard or easy, God cares about it, and has a plan in it all. He cares about me, and is watching over me, and that was just a simple thing I have heard so many times, but right now as I am typing this... it has a huge meaning to me. Just to think that God really does care about me, and has a plan for me, just make me smile. He had a plan in everything he did. He had a plan in my mom dying when I was 18 months old, even tho to me it sure doesn't seem that way sometimes. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I always have to remember that, and it's a lesson that we all have to learn. That is the lesson I am still learning, and it all came to me that night, when I was away from all technology, sitting in my room alone, listening to Christian music, and spending time with God. After a lot of thought, I decided to write in my Bible journal, and I ended up writing a 3 page entry... and the next thing I knew it was 9:30 at night. I had done it, I had gone a day without technology.

For me, it was an awesome experience... so if you didn't do it last time, why not give it a shot?

Technology

Technology.... it's a big part of life. Think about the last time you used to phone, or where on the computer doing emails, IM, or when you last listened to music on your ipod, MP3 player, the radio, what about the last time you watched TV... or a movie or anything... see how often we use technology... ALL THE TIME!

Along time ago... there wasn't all this, but now our world is abdicated to technology. We are always on the computer, IM, watching TV, listening to music... anything! We are always doing something with technology. What if you didn't have it? What if you took a whole 24 hours just to see what it was like BEFORE we had all this up to date, cool technology.

I am going to give you a challenge today, and you can chose to accept it or not. I am giving you the challenge, from 12:00 midnight tonight, till 12:00 midnight tomorrow night, to not use technology at all. And that means...

-no phone: home and cell phone... except in emergency
-no computers: no IM, no email
-no TV: no movies, no TV shows
-no music: no radio, MP3 player, Ipod
-NO TECHNOLOGY!

And you may be thinking... I have school or work tomorrow, I can't do that. I have to do homework on the computer, or work from the computer... okay well you can do that, but that doesn't count talking to a friend on IM while you are doing you homework, or checking you e-mail while you are online. That means, that you can only do your homework. You can answer the phone if it is an emergency or anything like that, but you can't call your best friend and talk on the phone for hours on end. You can't just turn on the TV to watch something cause you feel like it, and you want to relax... get out a book and read! No MUSIC... which means.... your alarm tomorrow... can't be the radio. You can't have it turn on to music... you have to make it do that dumb little beeping sound, yes annoying, but this is part of your challenge. You can't listen to music as you get ready for school tomorrow morning, or an ipod or MP3 after school, you have to just keep it all locked away, just for A DAY!!!

You may be thinking... wow! That's harsh... and if that is what you are thinking... you are TOO ADDICTED to technology. You spend too much time on it, enough that you can't spend a day without it?!

Think about what Jesus did for you on that cross on that day... when he was nailed to a cross... think about someone who took all your sins away from you... someone as great as someone who performs miracles, someone as great as that, but still we get all caught up in technology, and we can't just spend one day away from it.

So, this is my challenge, from 12:00 tonight, until 12:00 tomorrow night... NO TECHNOLOGY! NOTHING! Can you do it? Do you accept my challenge?