My story all begins when I was a little girl, around the age of 18 months. Our family was coming home from a family vacation, and my Mom's vessel that was carrying blood to her heart broke. The plain took an emergency landing, and my Mom was rushed to the hospital, and she died soon after. As a little girl, it never really affected me. After all, I never really met her. I mean, sure I knew her when I was little, but I lost her when I was 1 ½, so I mean, yeah I met her, but I never really knew her at all.
I have grown up in a Christian home my whole life. I accepted Christ at the young age of 4. I never really did understand what it meant, other then one day I would go to heaven when I died. My Dad always set an example on my life for Christ, and how to live for him.
My Dad has always had a verse posted on our fridge. I never really understood what it meant for a long time, but it has now become my all time favorite verse. The verse is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harmyou, plans to give you a hope and future." This verse meant a lot to me, because it showed me that God really did have a plan for my life.
Not having a mom, for me, has never been easy. I live with two guys, and yeah they are awesome, but it can be really hard at time not having a Mom around. For the longest time, I always felt like God had just wanted to make things hard for me, and there was nothing that I could do about it. Everything with me just seemed a little messed up. I never really thought that this whole me not having a mom thing could be part of his plan. That verse just showed me, that God really does just have a plan for my life and it's better then I could ever imagine. The verse says, that they plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
Someone once said to me, that to get to the top of a mountain, you have to climb up it, and that we have to go through the trails of life to get to the top of the mountain. We can't just get there, we will go through hard times, and there will be times when we struggle with things that are going on, but God knows what he's doing, he has an awesome plan for my life, and I just have to wait on his time. I know that isn't always easy for me to do, but I just have to trust him and be ready for his plan, and trust that it is better then my own.
I would love to end this saying that everything is going great now, but it's not the truth. Thing don't always go my way, and I still go through hard times and struggles, but I have learned to trust God, and fall on him. God has awesome stuff in store for me, I just have to wait on his time. God blesses me every day with the things that he puts me through and the people he puts in my life. God has given me some awesome friend that remind me not to give up, and that God has a plan for everything that he does.
I don't understand everything that God does in my life, and why he puts me through everything that he does, but I know that he does everything for a reason. He had a reason for me not having a mom, and when it's his time, he will show me that plan.
Maybe you have a life like mine, not so perfect, maybe in your life it just seems that everything goes wrong and you just mess up everything, but just remember this, that no matter what you are going through, God has a plan for it. He created you with a plan and a purpose, and we just have to wait on his time to see it. He has awesome stuff in store for you, just wait… on his time. And when you feel like you can't go on anymore, God will give you strength, and when you fall, he will catch you. He loves you and he created with an awesome plan and a purpose, better then you could ever imagine. You just have to wait on his time
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Running Part 2
I feel the wind on my face, as once again I'm running from this life. I feel the cool breeze of the nice morning as I run. I want to stop, but I'm not far enough away from it all yet. I keep on running. I look behind me so far so good no one is following me. I'm in luck, so far. I have successfully made it out of this life, for the moment. No one is around me, maybe I can stop for just a bit and relax, but then someone might catch up, so never mind about that. I will just keep running until I can run no more. I am still running, I'm getting tired though, and I want to stop and relax, but I can't. I haven't run far enough away yet, I am still to close to it all.
I have run as far as I can, I'm going to stop now and just sit down, just for a little while. You think to yourself as you sit down. As I sit down, the thought all come to mind of what's been going on for the past couple of days, the things that have been said to you that hurt, the things in life that have just been so hard. As you sit the tears just start to fall, the you being tough all the time has worn off, and the memories of the hard times in life are coming back, the things that people said all week that hurt come back to you, the tears build up inside of you begging to come out, but you don't cry, too late. The tears fall down your face, it all hurts.
You look to your side and you notice that one of your friends has run after you and wants to talk to you. You quickly wipe all the tears away, and hope she didn't notice them. She starts to talk to you, first of all asking to make sure you are okay, and you don't really tell her the truth at first, but after sometime, you think maybe you should tell her, after all she came all this way for you. But something holds you back, and you don't. She keeps talking to you, but you turn away, cause you definitely don't want her to see you cry or anything like that, so you just run away hoping she won't notice that you were crying just a few minutes ago. She keeps talking about she says something that touches you and something you will never forget.
"Hey! I know you probably don't really want to be talking to me right now and telling me everything that's going on, and why you ran from it all, but I came here not to try and talk it out of you, but because I wanted to tell you that I'm here for you, and that I love and care about you. I also wanted you to always remember this; that no matter how hard this all is, just remember that God is doing this all for a reason. He has an awesome plan for your life, and he's always going to be there for you and love and care about you.... and I will too. I ran all this way just to remind you that I love you and so does God."
You aren't really sure what to say, but you know that is just what you needed. You turn around to look your friend in the eye, and she keeps talking.
"I know what it's like when life gets hard. I know what it's like to feel like you want to run. I know what it's like to hate life." She pauses. You wait for her to go on, she does. "I know how it feels to not have a perfect life, I don't either. Truth is, a lot is going wrong for me right now too." She once again pauses; you can see that she has tears building up in her eyes. "I know where you are at, and I know that it hurts, and I know that it's hard. It all happened to me too. But, one thing kept me strong this whole time, and it was God. He picked me up when I fell, and he always loved me. He gave me strength to carry on everyday. It's hard, I know, but you have to give it to God and trust him. He will give you the strength you need to move on too."
You look at her, and she is crying, and so are you, but you aren't sure if you want to show it or not. You want to give your friend a hug, but you don't want to turn back to her, cause she thinks that you don't ever cry, and that your all tough and all. You turn around thinking of how you could explain to her why you are crying. She doesn't say anything, just gives you a hug and tells you it will all be okay, and then she puts her hand on you and prays for you. As the tough girl goes away and as you cry, because it was all so touching and just what you needed to hear. You start to tell your friend what is really going on and she listens. God gave you just what you needed right when you needed it, because he really does love and care about you.
You look to your side and you notice that one of your friends has run after you and wants to talk to you. You quickly wipe all the tears away, and hope she didn't notice them. She starts to talk to you, first of all asking to make sure you are okay, and you don't really tell her the truth at first, but after sometime, you think maybe you should tell her, after all she came all this way for you. But something holds you back, and you don't. She keeps talking to you, but you turn away, cause you definitely don't want her to see you cry or anything like that, so you just run away hoping she won't notice that you were crying just a few minutes ago. She keeps talking about she says something that touches you and something you will never forget.
"Hey! I know you probably don't really want to be talking to me right now and telling me everything that's going on, and why you ran from it all, but I came here not to try and talk it out of you, but because I wanted to tell you that I'm here for you, and that I love and care about you. I also wanted you to always remember this; that no matter how hard this all is, just remember that God is doing this all for a reason. He has an awesome plan for your life, and he's always going to be there for you and love and care about you.... and I will too. I ran all this way just to remind you that I love you and so does God."
You aren't really sure what to say, but you know that is just what you needed. You turn around to look your friend in the eye, and she keeps talking.
"I know what it's like when life gets hard. I know what it's like to feel like you want to run. I know what it's like to hate life." She pauses. You wait for her to go on, she does. "I know how it feels to not have a perfect life, I don't either. Truth is, a lot is going wrong for me right now too." She once again pauses; you can see that she has tears building up in her eyes. "I know where you are at, and I know that it hurts, and I know that it's hard. It all happened to me too. But, one thing kept me strong this whole time, and it was God. He picked me up when I fell, and he always loved me. He gave me strength to carry on everyday. It's hard, I know, but you have to give it to God and trust him. He will give you the strength you need to move on too."
You look at her, and she is crying, and so are you, but you aren't sure if you want to show it or not. You want to give your friend a hug, but you don't want to turn back to her, cause she thinks that you don't ever cry, and that your all tough and all. You turn around thinking of how you could explain to her why you are crying. She doesn't say anything, just gives you a hug and tells you it will all be okay, and then she puts her hand on you and prays for you. As the tough girl goes away and as you cry, because it was all so touching and just what you needed to hear. You start to tell your friend what is really going on and she listens. God gave you just what you needed right when you needed it, because he really does love and care about you.
Yes, YOU! God cares about YOU and has an AWESOME PLAN for YOUR life.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Running
I want to run so far that you can't find me, I want to run so far that you don't even know where in the world I could be and no matter how hard you search for me, you can't find me. I want to run so far away that I can cry all day and you will never know. I want to run so far that it's impossible to be around this life here. I want to run from my dumb life.
I want to feel the wind in my face as I run so fasts down the street, trying to find a spot to sit and rest. I want to run and feel the wind on my back, I want to run from this world and hope it never comes back.
I don't want you to come after me, there is no use... I'm not going to stop for you, no matter how hard you want me to, I'm not going to cry when your around, I'm not going to run with you, I'm just going to run away from you.
If you really care about me, you won't give up on me. When I run from you, you aren't going to run from me, you are going to run after me, and run with me. You are going to try to catch up to me, and you are going to try to talk to me. Even if I push you away, you aren't going to give up on me, you will just try so hard to catch up to me, and when I just blow you off, and turn away from you, just so you won't have to see me cry, but you won't leave, you will just sit there, that would show me you cared.
But, life is dumb, and I hate my life, I want to run away from it, but I just can't. I mess everything up, I am messed up, I'm the one who does all this...
Ever feel that way? That you want to just run from life and from everything in this world? Every things can get so messed up all the time, and everything can be so dumb... but just talk to God about it, he knows it, and he is always going to be there for you and he never ever will give up on you. Just wait... things will get better, when it's God's will.
I want to feel the wind in my face as I run so fasts down the street, trying to find a spot to sit and rest. I want to run and feel the wind on my back, I want to run from this world and hope it never comes back.
I don't want you to come after me, there is no use... I'm not going to stop for you, no matter how hard you want me to, I'm not going to cry when your around, I'm not going to run with you, I'm just going to run away from you.
If you really care about me, you won't give up on me. When I run from you, you aren't going to run from me, you are going to run after me, and run with me. You are going to try to catch up to me, and you are going to try to talk to me. Even if I push you away, you aren't going to give up on me, you will just try so hard to catch up to me, and when I just blow you off, and turn away from you, just so you won't have to see me cry, but you won't leave, you will just sit there, that would show me you cared.
But, life is dumb, and I hate my life, I want to run away from it, but I just can't. I mess everything up, I am messed up, I'm the one who does all this...
Ever feel that way? That you want to just run from life and from everything in this world? Every things can get so messed up all the time, and everything can be so dumb... but just talk to God about it, he knows it, and he is always going to be there for you and he never ever will give up on you. Just wait... things will get better, when it's God's will.
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